Hello, everybody,
We are excited to announce that we have redesigned a new and better FINDAMentor.com where you can find a mentor to guide you in over 2000 categories of life, including Career. Education, difficult life process or spirituality. Are you struggling? Do you want to be better at your job, or understand more about your education process? Maybe you want to know more about your spirituality. Or you’re struggling with changing careers. We can help. Join FindAMentor, or FAM, as we call it.
Do you have a desire to pass on your knowledge and help others? You can also pay it forward. If you’re an expert in something, please join our help each other community and mentor someone in your area of expertise.
We need mentors. The world needs mentors. The majority of mentoring organizations attract about one mentor for every 5-10 mentees. At FAM, you can mentor more than one person at a time using our masterminding group format.
Please take a moment to check us out. FINDAMentor.com. It’s a completely free service. People need help. Maybe once you mentor a couple people you can turn it into a coaching relationship and charge a fee.
For right now though, please reach out to get the support you need or help someone else. Thank you.
p.s. People are wondering how to find a successful mentor, or how to seek mentorship. We suggest using mastermind groups to help relieve the pressure of not being able to find a mentor at first. Be a mentor and help more than one mentee using masterminding.

Hello mentors. First of all, Thank you so much for being a member and paying it forward by being a mentor in our community. Please encourage others to do the same. My name is Mike Garska. The founder. We built this site because so many people are looking for support. People want to do and be better – and you can help in your area of expertise. I know that as a community, we help way more people than I can by myself. There are tons of experts out there in so may aspects of life. FAM is a help each other community of many people helping many people. Thank you for supporting it. Now, I see mentoring as a natural process. As a child we might look to an older sibling, cousin or parent and we naturally learn from them and incorporate some of their personality traits into our own. They are our mentors, and we want to be like them in some way, big or small. And sometimes, Some people we can look at and as mentors on what not to do. The mentees at Fam will get exposed to different ways to use mentoring. I want you to be aware of that. Explore them yourself. Take a look at our tools and tips here at FAM. Top bar navigation menu. Explore the different types of mentoring. Use the verification forms if you want to. Use the mentor session forms too. They’re meant to guide you. Be a mentor and find a mentee. Many people are looking for how to find a successful mentor. There are many types of mentoring. When we facilitate corporate mentor programs we talk about common mentoring, peer mentoring, vertical mentoring, cross mentoring. There are times where a quick flash mentoring session is a good idea, like when the mentee is facing an immediate challenge and needs some advice pronto. Read our tools and tips, watch our blog posts and keep growing your own knowledge as well so you can be a better mentor. And know that we encourage having many mentors and using a mastermind group here at FAM. I’m hoping you’ll encourage them to do the same. We mostly make better decisions and do better in genera, l when we understand more and broader perspectives. That’s the idea of mentoring someone. Right. Yes. Please keep in mind that some mentees have unrealistic expectations of a mentor. They expect them to be a miracle worker or sometimes actually want the mentor to do some action item for them. Don’t take it personally. Don’t get frustrated or discouraged. Simply adjust their expectations. Leadership of any kind involves setting and managing expectations. That’s part of your role as a mentor. Lead the mentee towards becoming good or great in the aspect of life they are looking for support in. They need guidance and are wondering how to seek mentorship. Know that we appreciate you. Thank you for helping others. At some point, you may want to investigate coaching and charging for your expertise. If that interests you, watch for our emails where we share training options for coaches or want-to-be coaches. Send us an email and we may be able to point you in the right direction. Sign up for our daily inspirational email too. We send quotes out every day to keep you inspired. Thanks again for your support. Have an awesome day. Cheers.

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So this 12-13 minute communications training mentor session from FindAMentor, is a quick explanation of what process to follow when you have to do a tough talk, difficult or crucial conversation. I’m Mike Garska the founder of FAM.

Why is being really good at communicating so important? Why does Warren Buffet say this? “if want to be worth 50% more than you are right now, hone your communication skills”. In order to move into any leadership position we have to be good at influencing others to do good or great. That’s done with masterful communication technique. And as a leader you’re going to have to do many tough talks. Avoiding them only makes things worse most often. Not doing them effectively has the same result.

It can make life very stressful as a leader, if you can’t navigate a tough conversation on the fly, or even at all, to a win-win outcome. Have you ever cringed and worried about having to do a difficult conversations? What words d o I use? What if they react bad? When is the best time to do it? Is it even worth it? I say it most often is.

What would it be like if you knew exactly what to say when those situations arise? Imagine having the confidence and ability to navigate those situations to the outcome you want? Well, today, I’m going to share 5 things you need to do, to get the outcome you want in any difficult conversation. First, I’ll list them and then go into a little detail of each. They are:

1. Get self aware. Know your human interaction process. Your HIP
2. Plan your talk. Be prepared.
3. When you start your talk, quickly share your experience, and then focus on seeking first to understand the other person, their HIP about the situation, then to be understood. And go next level here; Seek first to validate and then to be validated.
4. Look for common intentions. Focus on them and you’ll find resolve, especially when both people have been validated and are both clear on common intentions.
5. Follow up. Do it again.

Okay so lets go through how to do each one.

1. Get self aware. Know your human interaction process. Your HIP in relation to the experience or situation. So, in case you haven’t watched other video’s and don’t know the human interaction process.

The HIP happens for every individual whenever we interact with another. We both go through this process multiple times in a conversation. Its automatic, just like breathing. And its unique for each of us just like DNA.

Its a 5 step process we all do, all day long. 1st we sense something, One of our 5 physical senses kicks in. Usually, we see and hear things when communicating, but any sense can trigger an interaction. Then 2, a feeling is triggered. Sometimes very subtle, but there’s always a feeling. Then 3, and usually almost simultaneously with the emotion, a thought process is triggered. From there, we gain intention. We want something to happen and/or we don’t want something to happen. And with that intention, we choose our action or reaction. So before engaging, get self aware. ………………….

What happened. What did you see or hear, or taste or smell, or physically feel, Maybe someone touches you on the shoulder and that triggered the process? Then get clear. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts about it. What do you want and what don’t you want? And finally, how are you going to choose to act or respond? So now we’re clear on what’s going on for us in this situation.

2. Plan your talk. Write down what happened for you. Write your whole HIP process. Senses, what did you hear and see, how did it make you feel. What are your thoughts and perceptions about it. What do you want and what don’t you want. Then after all this. write down, seek first to understand. You want to quickly find out, once you start the conversation, What is his or her HIP is. and make a bullet list so you remember to ask about each part, when actually doing the tough talk. Write Sense, feel, think, want, don’t want. Take your plan with you to the conversation so you remember to get everything out. But before you do the conversation, run it by a communications mentor. Someone you know that has a track record of navigating difficult conversations to win-win outcomes, so both people feel resolved.

Okay so step 3. When you start the conversation, Make sure your focus is ‘Seek first to understand’ the other person’s HIP about the situation, then to be understood. Its one of Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people. To start a conversation, break the ice with something light and common. Once you’ve broken the ice, open the conversation by sharing the first 2 or 3 parts of your HIP. What you saw and heard, how you felt or thought. You might want to share more, and I often do, what you want and don’t want.

Then immediately move into seeking to understand mode. So, make sure you ask them and find out exactly what they saw and heard, how it made them feel, what thoughts it triggered in them, and what they want and don’t want. It’s simple, ask about their HIP.

And remember this very important tip. Don’t expect them to have the same reaction as you. They are a different person with a unique HIP response. What ever it is, its real for them. Don’t negate it or minimalize it. accept it as their reality and valid to them.

This brings me to the next level of seeking first to understand. Why do we want to understand. So the other person feels validated. Do you like to feel like your thoughts and emotions, whatever they are, are valid. Yes or yes. Of course. We all do.

So, take this next level. Seek first to validate and then to be validated. How do we do that? It’s a simple process if you’re asking about each part of their HIP response to the situation at hand. Here’s how it might unfold. So you saw that. Okay, I wasn’t looking that way. I didn’t see that. You did, so its valid. I’m clear. Or . Oh, you heard that. Wow. That’s not what I meant, but I get that’s what you heard. Okay. That’s valid. And so, you felt frustrated and unappreciated. Okay. I get that, I’m not going to take that way from you. Its not what I expected you to feel, but I accept your reaction for you. Its valid for you.

What were your thoughts about the situation. OH. Okay, I understand fully now. that’s valid. I get it. Now, what do you want? Okay. What don’t you want? Okay, I understand that.

So you see, when we ask about their HIP, we get five chances to validate them and actually get them saying yes as we clarify their HIP in that effort to understand. When we seek to understand, we get opportunity not only to validate, we get the other person moving towards a positive frame of mind and heart. Would you agree that getting someone to say yes a few times, in agreement, helps move things in a more positive direction most often? Yes or yes?

If you want to be able to do this HIP stuff on the fly, even in difficult situations, it’s good to practice daily, whenever you think of it, in the spur of the moment. Check in with self. What am I seeing, feeling, thinking, wanting. Right now. And also practice asking about other people’s HIPS when the opportunity presents, and it makes sense. Then, when you see potential conflicts, you’ll find it easier to discuss and process HIPS for each. Practice helps allot. I found it quite awkward at first when I learned it. It took practice to get proficient like anything worthwhile. It quickened the learning, practicing in groups.

Anyway, we get people saying yes at least 4 or 5 times in agreement as we clarify, validate and get things right on their HIP process. So now we’re ready to go to the next step.

4. Look for common intentions. In the full 5 ½ hour CONTACT 20-20 course, we share information on primary and secondary intentions, so that people have more in depth understanding of this common intention process.

So, focus on common intentions and you’ll find resolve, especially when both people have been validated and are both clear on their wants and don’t wants. I will say
at work, its quite easy to get to a common intention focus. Let me show you.

We’re both here because we want to work. We want a job, so we can get paid so we can eat and sleep with a roof over our head. Right, right. There’s a common intention. We both want to keep our job and in order to do that, we have to provide good service to our customer. Right. Right. another common intention.
And I want you to keep this in mind. Everyone has a customer. Sometimes its an internal customer. A co-worker that’s relying on us. Right. Its till a customer that needs to be satisfied.

Okay so we both want to provide good service, so the company stays in business and we keep our job. Yes. Yes. Okay so what happened yesterday hindered that good service process. How do you propose we prevent it in the future. Here’s what I propose.

And remember, workplaces are kind of like dictatorships. In the end, what the boss says, we do. Ideally, we have a good boss who knows how to communicate really well and lead really well. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of leaders out there that aren’t so good at these things. If that’s your situation, you’ll have to lead the tough talks yourself at times. Use the HIP. makes sure they feel understood and validated and find those common intentions. Prepare yourself. Learn all the tips, tricks and shortcuts.
Okay, so the last thing you want to do in difficult situations is. and this is important!

5. Follow up. Check in the next day. Hey, we had a sensitive conversation. How are you feeling about it today after thinking about it? Still the same. My thoughts haven’t changed. Or, you know, after thinking about what we talked about, I think we could do one more thing, or one less thing. What do you think? Following up is critical to relationship maintenance. Do it. Don’t forget. Put it in your calendar if you must, but make sure to do the follow up after any important conversation.

Okay so this has been a real quick short lesson on how to do a tough talk. Let’s recap

1. get self aware. Know your Hip
2. plan your talk be prepared run your plan by your communications mentor.
3. Seek first to understand once you open the conversation. Ask about their Hip
4. Uncover the common intentions to find resolve.
5. Follow up. Check in next day after any important conversation.

There are many more details to consider when wondering how to do a difficult conversation, or a crucial conversation. Effective conversation word choice is key.
In CONTACT 20-20, you get a workbook, listing all the 120+ tools and tips, much more information on what words to use and what words not to use, and in what situations
We talk about Listening skills, body language, tone of voice. We talk about timing too. There’s allot of detail. If you’re already a good communicator. Doing what we tell you in CONTACT 20-20 will make you great.

And, as a FAM member you get it for only $29.95. there’s a discount code inbound welcome emails when you joined. Buy CONTACT 20-20 Training Now

It’s a very small price to pay for a huge investment in you. Its only a little over 5 hours of training. Hone your communication skills as Warren Buffet says. You’ll be worth twice as much as you are right now. All for the cost of a large pizza. What a deal.

There’s no risk. We offer a 30-day money back guarantee so if you’re not happy with the program, ask for your money back. You can’t go wrong. Click the link below now to sign up for CONTACT 20-20, and increase your worth, right now.

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HI everyone. welcome to this quick , about 15-16 minute mentoring session from FindAMentor. I’m Mike Garska – the Founder. I’m going to share the two most important things I learned in life, that they don’t teach in school. They are about the Human Interaction Process and the Master key to Riches.

So, when I was in my twenties my wife asked me to take a communications and leadership workshop with her, She was told to take by the Family life Education council where she was a social worker and workshop facilitator. My most important take away from that training was what I call Human interaction process, or HIP. When I heard it, my 1st thought was why didn’t they teach me this in school, and since I’ve been teaching it, I’ve had students say the same thing to me. So, Why is it so important to know it? Because the HIP, the human interaction process affects every part of our life. We are social beings. That’s why. Here’s how I learned it. it was in that communications workshop. the facilitator had us read a book called alive and aware by Sherod Miller and 3 other authors, all phycologists. We had to learn a tool they call the awareness wheel. Its an awareness guide or tool for yourself, and a guide for awareness of others and its key to communicating through any difficult conversation. Its all about authentic self awareness and authentic awareness of others. I was taught, to obtain true self awareness I had to ask my self 5 questions in a wheel type format. 1. What did I just witness? What did I hear and see? 2. What Am I thinking? How do I perceive this situation? 3. What am I feeling? What emotions does this situation trigger in me? 4. What do I want and what don’t I want? What’s my intention? 5. How am I going to choose to respond, react or act? We were taught first to get fully aware of the exact situation that triggered the conflict and then to go around the awareness wheel in our minds, before speaking. What did I see and hear, how do I feel, what do I think about it and what do I want and don’t want. How am I going to respond? We were taught to share all of this with the other person, and at the same time, immediately find out about the other persons, senses, thoughts, emotions, intentions. We did exercises in groups. It really worked. I found this awareness technique for self and others worked in almost any situation to reduce conflict and resolve it. Now, to me, because every person goes through this process every time we communicate, I call this 5 step awareness wheel The Human Interaction Process. What’s your HIP right now. what are you hearing and seeing in this moment. me talking. right. yes. I’m seeing a camera. what do you feel. are you feeling curious? maybe not sure about all this stuff? I’m feeling a desire to share important information that I want you to learn so you can be and do better in life when communicating. I don’t want you to turn off this video. I don’t want you to be bored. What do you want right now? Do you want to learn more? What don’t you want? You probably don’t watch to waste your time. I don’t want you too either. We are both HIP ING all the time — It’s good to be aware, and it’s absolutely needed when situations are tough. So, A few months after learning this process and other tools and techniques on word choice, I found myself in a situation where I had to do a really tough talk with my boss. I was frustrated at work. I was an industrial salesperson. Co-workers were dropping the ball on deals. Customer expectations weren’t being met to my standards. Or sales manager was promoted to GM and we hadn’t had a sales manager for over 3 months. Things were falling through the cracks. I wanted to quit. I started looking for another job. Before I accepted one, I thought I should at least have a talk. I did what I was taught. I prepared. I wrote everything down. I got aware of my HIP and I was determined to find out what his HIP was in this situation. I was scared to do it, but needed a change or I was going to leave. I asked for a meeting. We went for dinner the next night. The conversation took two hours and at the end of it, I got a promotion to sales manager and a raise. I know if I hadn’t taken that course, The conversation would not have gone as well. Now Warren Buffet says. “If you want to be worth 50% more than you are right now, Hone your communication skills.” So do that. Take a difficult conversation communication course. Learn how to do those difficult conversations with confidence. We offer a quick mentoring session on difficult conversations. Watch that video. There’s a link at the bottom here. And you can sign up for our more in depth CONTACT 20-20 on-line course where we give you 120 tools, tips and techniques for navigating difficult crucial conversations using your HIP, and wise word choice, all in a best practice communication process. Take the time to learn CONTACT. You wont regret it. FAM members only pay 29.95, get lifetime access and a 30-day money back guarantee. What other thing can you spend $30 on that can get you a raise and a promotion? It’s the cost of a large pizza. Which one is a better investment for you? A pizza ort a conflict communications course? Remember that we have to invest time and money into ourselves, our skill set if we want to be more valuable to our employees and make more money. Do what Warren buffet says, hone your communication skills. Okay so the second thing I want to share with you that I never learned in school is all about thought and emotion regulation, control and direction and how it affects every aspect of our life and what levels of success we achieve in the different aspects. . Now, our success is immensely affected by how we control our HIP. When I learned the HIP, my immediate thought was, wow, this fits so well with the master key to riches. Its the master key to riches that I learned when I was 16 that I attribute to my successes in life. When I learned it, I actually got angry that they didn’t teach it to me in school. It’s was so important to understand. It should be taught in school as far as I’m concerned. So, I met a man named Ron that taught me about the Master Key to Riches by Napoleon Hill. Ron was my first real mentor to that point in my life, outside of family and extended family. He was a successful real estate agent driving a fancy car with a phone in it. And cell phones weren’t even out yet. It was the 1970’S. It was a old style push to talk, mobile phone and about 1 in every 10000 people had one. I was impressed by his success. I come from a family of 5 kids raised by a single mom working at Sears. We had very little. I wanted more so I wanted to learn more. I asked, he taught. he started by giving me books. the master key to riches by Napoleon Hill was the first. What do you think the Master Key to Riches is? The way Hill wrote the book, I had to read almost the whole thing before he revealed it? There are many other books that write the same thing in different words. Claude Bristol’s, the magic in belief. Josesph murphy’s Your infinite power to be rich, Og Mandino’s, the greatest miracle in the world. BTW, you and I are the greatest miracle in the world. I Wanted to understand more so read those other books, including a few more by Napoleon Hill. MY favorite was Grow rich with peace of mind and that has been a focus of mine since I was 17. Growing rich with peace of mind. I’ll share more about that in another video or mentor blog So what is the master Key to Riches? Well, it actually fits very well into this HIP Concept and taking responsibility for yourself and your responses. And when I learned the awareness wheel, my first thought was. This makes sense. I like it. I can fit this into my philosophy and belief system. its a great tool for helping to control ones thought and emotional patterns to be positive. So Here’s the master key to riches. are you ready. its simple: and unlike Hill, I’m not going to make you read a whole book to hear it. “Whatever the human mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” This is the master key to riches by Napoleon Hill. Whatever you can think about- conceive, and then believe, you can achieve. Just pay the price and take it away. Yes. You have to pay for everything in one way or another in life. And the price for achievement is specific thought and emotional control, combined with emotional persistence, perseverance and tons of other positive thought, emotion, and of course, action. The master key has also been explained as. What we think about, we bring about. it all starts with the power of positive thinking. The law of attraction will bring back what you put out so put out what you want. In the books they talk about different ways to achieve this ‘belief in yourself, so that you can achieve any goal you set out too. They advise using things like, Autosuggestion, repeating positive phrases over and over I used to post sticky notes all around the house and car. One was ‘live in the now’. Another one I used when I started my cell phone business from the trunk of my car, was. I’m selling a phone a day. Selling a phone a day. I actually made a tape that played it over and over that I would listen to as I was driving to sales calls. Eventually, we were selling a phone a day and then then 10 phones a day. We eventually had two of the top five performing stores in the country and hit number one a couple times. Other techniques the books suggested were visualization, feeling like you have it now, writing goals down, etc. Its all about disciplining thought and emotion and action and its all important to do. We have to control our thoughts to control our emotions, intentions and actions. When we consistently see things in a positive and constructive way, and generally feel positive, we can achieve anything, and we attract good things and good people, into our lives. . Sometimes it costs allot, Takes allot of work and effort, but we can do it. I embraced the concept and I’ve witnessed it work many times in my life and others. So to take advantage of the master key to riches, to be successful in any endeavor, you have to take control of your HIP in every situation and create ‘belief’ in yourself. Belief in what you’re doing. Belief that you can achieve your goals. You must control your responses and reactions to be productive and positive so you can build belief. With positive action we get positive outcome, and belief in self builds a bit each time. Does that make sense? Yes or yes. Well, a mentor can help with building belief in yourself too. They make it easier to achieve the little stepping stones that turn into milestones and that all builds belief in yourself and your abilities. That’s why I promote having many Mentors they help us adopt the right thought and emotional processes so we do the right actions for achievement in their area of expertise, so mentors help us take on those thought and emotional processes that build belief and attract success. Remember that emotions are contagious so Learn and catch the positive emotions and thoughts your mentors have. Incorporate them into your character. So, get a mentor. You might be wondering how do I get a mentor for business, or how to find mentors on-line, or how to find a mentor near me. FindAMentor can help you. Okay. let’s recap the two things I didn’t learn in school that have both changed my life dramatically. 1. Know your HIP, seek to understand it in yourself and others. Our HIP affects the strength of every relationship we have. Take our communications training to learn more about how to do that and what words to use and which ones to avoid in difficult conversations. Not knowing your HIP or the other person’s HIP, hinders the communication process and often makes things worse when situations are tense, difficult or sensitive. Knowing the HIPS is key to avoiding and resolving conflict. 2. Believe in yourself and your goals and do whatever it takes to get into that state of mind and state of mind and being, where the belief in yourself and your goals is entrenched in you. Know that our Self talk is as important as our talk to others. How we guide our HIP, our thoughts, emotions, intentions, actions, affect what we believe and attract into our life. It affects our health and our success on every level. Control your self talk to be positive. I had one friend say to me if we talked to others like we talk to ourselves when we’ve not done well at something, at times, we wouldn’t have any friends. People can be very hard on themselves in self talk. Watch out for that. Don’t do it. But, Take responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, intentions and belief in yourself. be responsible for every response you have, for disciplining the right thought and emotional habits for success – for you. I can help, mentors can help, but its up to you to ask for the support and then pay attention to the advice and do it. Take responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, intentions, actions and take control of your success. And remember each person’s HIP is as unique as our DNA. There are 8 billion different HIPS happening right now on this planet. Don’t expect others to respond like you do to any situation. The most important communication tip I can give you is to seek to understand first, then to be understood. It comes from Stephen Covey’s “7 habits of highly effective people.” There are 120 more tips and tools for best practice communicating in CONTACT 20-20. Start with our free communications training mentor session. And, Watch the other videos as they come out too. I’ll continue to give you tips and tools that will propel your success and your ability to believe in yourself, so that you can achieve anything. You’ll get more communications tips and eventually learn to communicate through any difficult conversation with the confidence of driving it to a win-win outcome. Sign up for our daily inspirational emails as well to keep yourself motivated every day. Thank you for watching. Go make it an awesome day.

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